“when do you feel the most beautiful?” my interviewer asked me while I scanned my resume trying to relate her question back to my work experience.

“excuse me?” I replied trying to make sense of what she asked me.

“Don’t worry its not a trick question. We just want to know when you feel the most beautiful…” She smiled and waited for my response.

Normally I’m really good at answering typical quirky interview questions like “whats your spirit animal?” and I would reply by saying how an octopus is my spirit animal because I would love to explore the deep sea and that means in the corporate world that I like to go above and beyond my responsibilities blah blah blah please hire me i’m poor. But this question was very personal and disheartening because honestly I don’t know when i feel beautiful especially at my most.

She recognized my eye twitching  and was about to change the topic when I quickly interjected trying to not look like a weird troll with no self-esteem that I am

“I feel most beautiful when… when I sit on the bus alone.”

She awkwardly nodded and smiled as she moved on to the next question.

I literally saw my job opportunity snap, crackle, and pop before me as my interviewer thanked me for my time and will give me a “follow up email”.

I didn’t get the chance to explain my answer.

I feel most beautiful when I sit on the bus alone because I commute all over my city for work and school. Commuting is the only time I get to be by myself with people I don’t know and really just be free with my own mind for a good 30 minutes. I get to be my saddest on the bus alone and thats when I oddly feel beautiful because I was letting it all go.

The sadness isn’t the beautiful part but the relief I get for letting myself feel that way entirely and not hiding it is what I value. After I tap off the bus I feel like I can handle life again well only until the next bus ride at least.