the art of masturdating

before you bring out your pitchforks and drinking that shade tea here is the SFW definition of “masturdate”

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i’ve been masturdating all my life… but never knew that there was an actual funny term to what i was doing every friday night. (who am i kidding every day) and other people were doing it as well!

so i officially commemorated july 23rd 2015 to be my first official masturdate to myself because whats a better way to “treat yoself” then set an anniversary date dedicated to just that!

so ladies and gentlemen and unlabelled & free, i present to you publicly….


i started my masturday finishing up AMERICAN HORROR STORY: FREAKSHOW

i love pepper so much. i saw myself in her… all she wanted was some love and some god damn meat loaf… 😦

after bawling my eyes out to the season finale i woke up my belly from its slumber. since it was my masturday i put the kale on hold and made myself a good pot of mac and cheese

throw in some chicken meat balls and some cheese and its heaven
throw in some chicken meat balls and some cheese and its heaven in a pot

i ate every bite without feeling bad at all. it was so liberating LOOOL i felt like peter pan dancing around how good the mac and cheese was. then reality hit because my thighs were jiggling so hard they told me to calm down and take a couple seats.

yes mam!!!
yes mam!!!

after the one man dance party i decided to go watch inside out again. it was more magical this time around. i guess you can appreciate the character sadness more on your self proclaimed bachelor holiday. it became my favourite movie of all time throwing forrest gump into the second spot!


if you haven’t watched this movie yet please do yourself a favour and go watch it! its a real dream of a movie!

my masturdate day ended with a cup of tea and ed sheeran on spotify.


i think we do things so mindlessly and obviously we do things for our own pleasure but we never really think about how much we appreciate it. although my day was pretty uneventful (besides the thigh jiggling part, I’m still recovering from that) the fact that i set a whole day for myself slowed down time for me. i appreciated my masturdate life more.

of course i got so many insecurities big and small but this tiny day out of the whole entire year was a yell back at all that insecurity

“chill! i’m working on it!”

i will get back into the motion of things but i think its healthy to set aside days for yourself to keep yourself in check.

thank you so much for reading!

happy masturdating!!!!!!


see you next post!


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